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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their bond?